♡ E.'s

SO TOUCHING.

2012-03-04T06:10:00.000+08:00

Just posting random thoughts at the moment.

2012-03-04T03:50:00.009+08:00

It's weird how guys do whatever it takes to get the girl they love during the chase. But after the chase, they just stopped because "those girl" are already theirs to keep. Them being so sweet before they were together, smiling day to night. Waiting for one another to go online/sleep/wake up. Waking up really happily the next day, receiving a message on their phone. Hugging their bolster/soft toy so tightly while thinking of them. Not forgetting those little sweet talks which explains their goofy smile unknowingly when they read those texts.

But soon after a few months or so, things begin to change. They start caring lesser. They get used to things. They enter into the 'comfortable stage'. That's when all of their true colours are shown and you've to choose between to stay or to leave. "Why is she so unreasonable?" "Why doesn't he understand me?" "Why does she think so much and make such a huge fuss over a small matter?" "Why does he keep gaming as if it's his gf?" "Why does she lose her temper and blame it on her pms?" "Why does he reply at such a slow speed." "It's just a late reply, what's wrong with her, can't she be more understanding?" "Fuck all these relationship shits." "I didn't knew she was such a girl." "He changed." "I feel like giving up." "Was it worth the fight?" "I don't wanna care anymore." Obstacles one after another. Tests for their relationships. Some gave up because they felt that it was too tough/it wasn't worth the while/ during a moment of anger while others stayed because they know deep down they'd still go back to each other and their love are still as strong.

Either you break up, or you get married.
Don't blame all on fate because if both are willing to put in effort to make things all work out, then they'd pull thru' all obstacles.

"The both of them shouldn't feel that they could do better without each other."

Love is indeed such a strange thing.

XX.
Just felt really random and posted this. Nights make me feel so emotional.

Even if I had a million reasons to leave, I'd still look for one to stay.

2012-03-03T06:04:00.004+08:00

So overwhelmed by my feelings. And now I just miss my boy a lot.
Couldn't meet him because he sleeps in the afternoon and goes out at night so I didn't want to disturb his sleep. He gets migraine/headache easily so I just thought I'll leave him sleeping. @_@

THOUGHTFUL GF ANOT I DESERVE AN AWARD HAHAHAHAHAHHAA ok lor at first my post is supposed to be a sad one (which explains my first sentence of my blogpost) cause I'm listening to piano covers(very emo) then the next song is Bigbang's "Fantastic baby". MOOD CHANGED. HAHAHAHA mad.

BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKA HAHAHAHA HERE'S THE SONG.

Pardon me for my moodswings. MUST BE COMING LA I BLAME IT FOR ALL MY MOODSWINGS LIKE NOW HEHEHEHE. Shouldn't type in caps cause my whole post looks damn ugly and unorganised.

K. I hope Sunday's plan wouldn't be postponed!! I've never gone there before and I'd really like to go there for the first time with Annabelle and my boy. My virgin night safari trip WOOOOOOOOW hahahahahahahhahahahaha +1 memory with 'em. Today I feel like typing and typing and don't wanna stop typing. What's this oh no I don't even feel like putting puntuations uh wtf how to spell punctuation oh it's spelt like thisssssss hehehehe need to stop.

Siao at this kind of timing I type bullshits.

When you’re in a relationship.

2012-03-03T05:51:00.000+08:00

To girls:
be the girl your boyfriend never thought he’d get.
Be the keeper of his heart and never let him go.

To guys:
be the guy your girlfriend always fantasized and dreamed about.
Treat her right, don’t be afraid to show her how you feel.

To both:
Trust each other.
Put in equal effort.

~Tumblr~

There’s a difference between giving up and moving on.

2012-03-03T05:46:00.001+08:00

Giving up is when you have a chance to change things, but you think it’s too difficult or not worth the trouble or just stop pursuing something and just give up on the spot.
Moving on is when you realize that you can’t change things or that it’s better that you don’t try any longer giving up or failure isn’t the best option. Moving on is another thing, moving on as in that you wouldn’t look back to the past and that you would be more successful than failure.

And I hope you wouldn't give up and keep trying when things get difficult.

A post full of webcam pictures.

2012-03-02T03:12:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA I'm very tempted to post all of these pictures on fb but I shall not.

I shall resist all temptations.

And if you're wondering why most of the pics are Annabelle....
It's because they are busy eating/snacking at my house.

XX.

MARCH IS THE MONTH OF MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

2012-03-01T03:29:00.037+08:00

Original plan: Go to amk bank to make my bank card, then to bishan to make belle's singpass, and hair cut at marina.

Day started off quite Z_Z cause I'm tired then I went to bath and eat. Supposed to meet at 2pm but I left house only at 3pm lol. FOREVER LATE. Heard that bank is closed and belle have to apply her singpass by 5pm? So we end up going to bishan. Wanted to make my cut at toa payoh's bank which close at 7.30pm but we couldn't find the place after walking a round. Really a round. Gave up on hair cut plan because our hair turns out nice so we couldn't decide T_T As you can see, my blogpost really damn shortcut cause I very lazy to type and think hehehehehehehehheheehe. There's this really wow water fountain(????) at toa payoh so we went over to take a picture! Really hard and paiseh to ask someone to help us take a picture cause like tourists lolll so we tried...

Self shot #1.

Self shot #2.

F A I L. Totally can't see the background which looks like this.

So.. We decided to get help from someone.

LOL WE WERE HOLDING ONTO OUR BREAD.
Adventure at Toa Payoh with bread equipped.

Then we carried on walking and saw this idk what then look quite unique lor so we acted like tourists again.

"Bu yao pai dao wo de bread." which explains the picture above.....

Ok lor the background at least can see!!!

HEADED TO AMK N BOUGHT SHAMPOO.

THE END.

BIGBANGBIGBANGBIGBANG.

2012-02-29T02:55:00.003+08:00

MY HANDSOME BOYSSSSSSSSSS *_*
*SONG ON REPEAT FOR X100000 TIMES*

RANDOM - MBLAQ.

2012-02-29T02:53:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA SO CUTE @ 2.47 - 2.52. HEHEHEHEHE.

That feeling you get when you finally get to see that one person again.

2012-02-28T03:28:00.005+08:00

Finally met my dear boy and I thought things would be awkward between us but luckily everything were alright! So I went over to his house and he woke up. Had to keep repeating "I'm hungryyyyy" to him for so many times then he finally get off his bed to order PASTAMANIA hehehehe. Watched "Breaking Dawn" while waiting for the food to come. Continued watching after eating with him. Quite a nice movie~ hehehehe. Spent the day watching it and just rolling around the bed hahahaha ok, took a few pictures and my boy sent me home! ^~^ Love spending my time together with him, chilling at his house.

HAHAHAHA forced by me to take this pic.

There was supposed to be another pic but that ass boy deleted it without asking me!!!! :(

*Rewinds to few days back*

Had a stupid quarrel with my boy and I guess it was a big one because it broke us apart. He initiated a break up. I was really really disappointed with him.

It felt like, "oh so our love was this weak.. He was the guy I wanted to spend 'forever' with but poof, he proved me wrong." I admit I was at a loss. Beginning, I was so angry. Then the sadness kicked in. I keep convincing myself that this was for the best. We were never meant to be. We were too immature for each other. I've never thought that we would end up being strangers in such an ugly way. We used to be so in love but in a blink of an eye?

"Why did he hurt me in such a way?"

"Why did he initiate a break over such a stupid quarrel?"

"Why did he say such things to me?"

"Why did he not give a fuck to how I feel?"

"Was he the guy I fell in love with?"

...

"He doesn't love me."

"I was wrong."

"I was naive."

"I was stupid."

"I cared too much."

"He.. isn't the one."

And the more I think, the more I teared.

I started watching taiwan's variety shows to cheer myself up.

Just then, he messaged me. I was filled with mixed emotions.

"I still love him but I can't afford to get hurt anymore."

The moment he called me and I heard his voice, I just can't help it.

He was so guilty and sorry. He was trying so hard to get me back.

"One last chance," I told myself.

So he's back into my life.

To be honest, when I accepted him back into my life, I'm afraid.

So afraid that I would regret in future.

The things he messaged me just keep appearing in my mind.

But after I met him today, I was glad that he's in my life again.

What to do~ hahahaha. Cherish our time together while we can.

We'll never know when's the last time we'd see each other.

Can't stop staring at this gif I took hehehehehe.

Hi I love you, ass boy.

**Really need to thank my dearest friend, Annabelle, for being there for me. If she wasn't with me, I guess I would just break down and cry like a pathetic bitch T_T!! She has always been with me, no matter what shits I've been going thru'. She's the friend that I can never live without.

I know we're still young and it's still too early to say this, but I hope you're the one.
XX.

Twenty4th.

2012-02-25T15:39:00.001+08:00

24th used to be a very important date. Like I'm the luckiest bitch on earth. To have my best friend and also, boyfriend. But things are bound to change after a year. The love fades, the importance is no longer there. I mean, this always happens. Vicious cycle. Reaching the last stage. I've really wanted him to be the love of my life, my husband. Picturing a happy family with him and our kids. Planning our future together. I wish breaking up was never an option in a relationship. Caring for me and meeting up is such a difficult task. Can't blame distance though. It's only because of laziness.

Expected that he'd forgot about 24th. I really really thought "yeah so what if he did. I expected it. I wouldn't be sad, I wouldn't be disappointed, I wouldn't be hurt." But little did I know, there was this little piece of hope within me.... Causing this.. Particular feeling now. Why oh why.

Happy 14th month.
1817, used to be one of the best moment in my life.

Show me that you care.
Xx.

2012-02-24T22:37:00.001+08:00

2012-02-24T04:03:00.002+08:00

Same shit.

2012-02-20T23:20:00.004+08:00

You're taking me for granted.
You weren't like this in the past. Now you just brush everything off and what else?

"I don't feel anything alr, you want angry you continue ba"

Fuck my life. He turned into someone who I don't even know. This is life. This always happens. And here comes the downhill. I know this storyline. This same old plot.

Us into you. and me.

Browsing thru' my private tumblr and saw pictures which I SS and posted in there. fucking tortured myself with these pictures. I don't mean a single shit to you a n y m o r e.

You. Changed.

I wish I was as heartless. But now, I don't think I can. It's like..

I'll always tell myself to try. And maybe you knew I would try that's why.

Everything stopped.

Things changed.

XX.

2012-02-20T23:04:00.000+08:00

Strangers, again.

2012-02-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

True that.

2012-02-20T22:18:00.004+08:00

Heaven.

2012-02-19T01:53:00.001+08:00

14th, Valentine.

2012-02-16T23:39:00.003+08:00

~~Will update about valentine when I'm not tired hehehe.~~

Went to bishan ite to get my password along with Annabelle and Jiacai accompanying me hehehehhehehe. Big school, v amazed hahaha. So after that, I went back to Yishun and rushed to popular to buy some papers. By the time I'm done, Timmy arrived already. = No time to start on Valentine's card ~_~ Ate at Pastamania with him as usual. Been a long time since I ate there. Ate so much lor.

M-A-D.

The both of us were broke after eating so I went over to his house to spend Valentine's hahahahahaha. Continued watching "Orphan" Quite nice. CAN'T W8 FOR TWILIGHT NXT HAHAHAA (Caps it just so my bf can see and as a reminder for him to watch it with me hehehehehe) After "Orphan", I think bf used some distracting tactic cause I totally got distracted and the both of us went into the room for his smoking break. MY TWILIGHT T_T So........... He fell asleep and never wake up for a long time the end. HAHAHA was quite angry lor cause people tried to wake him up but he like dead log or he wakes up and goes back to sleep kind. !@#$%^ Ah but his card made me smile.

N GUESS WHAT LOR MY LAPTOP SCREEN CRACKED. IDK HOW MANY TIMES I'VE SAID THIS BUT I CAN'T GET OVER THIS SHIT. EVERYDAY WAKING UP, WISHING THAT IT WAS JUST A DREAM~~ HAHAHA DAMN SAD :(

Taken on 14th.

Taken on 19th.

WTF JUST REALISED THE BLACK PARTS IN THE PIC ABOVE TRANSFORMED AND EXPANDED. NOW IT'S BIGGER. NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU FML :(

Sigh damn sad damn frustrated.

I'm even using my laptop now although the screen kns hahahaha die die want use.

But while using, my heart v pain. *Sigh for a million times.

Ending my post with something happy!

Happy Valentine's!

XX.

2012-02-12T22:10:00.001+08:00

2012-02-12T21:32:00.005+08:00

Reading tumblr quotes. It's like I've been avoiding some facts when it's right in my face and now those facts are rubbed onto my face.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Never ever no matter what.

And this is where me and belle work at.

2012-02-06T02:11:00.000+08:00

Sitting on cardboard, floor has hard-to-kill ants, pasting price tags, people telling us to talk/laugh softer, supervisor being mean at times. And I'll be ending my post with a picture taken by belle while she's say-nice-is-working-but-actually-she's-slacking.

LOL!

Bye, I've work later. *Stabs self*

Pictures taken during CNY.

2012-02-06T02:06:00.000+08:00

F A M I L Y
XX.

Chinese; horoscope.

2012-02-06T00:14:00.002+08:00

Took from fb!

ARIES:
牡羊表面上很灑脫
其實，在很多時候，卻是放不下的。

雖然，不喜歡拖泥帶水，言行決定乾脆俐落，表面上擺出一副誓死不吃回頭草的架勢
但是，此時內心是最脆弱的。
會想如果你離開她的生活，就會開始過單身無愛的日子
不知道自己能不能適應，於是就會不自覺地想起了你的好。

牡羊基本上是個很痛苦的人。
表面上總是很有活力，很快樂的樣子
可是沒人的時候他們又總是很憂傷。
總會被一種莫名的悲傷籠罩，他們不會讓別人發現。
很怕被傷害怕被拋棄，也怕帶給別人傷害和不快樂，只能自己硬挺著一切。
所以很神經質、精神脆弱、容易感傷。
需要別人用心靈去交流

牡羊座很簡單
不喜歡跟別人去爭些什麼，吵些什麼，除非觸及底線
牡羊座看似堅強，其實在平靜的外表下，內心很容易受傷
牡羊座很會偽裝，即使遍體鱗傷，還是固執的假裝一副無所謂的樣子，臉上依然掛著天真無畏的笑容.

VIRGO:
處女座喜歡在傷心的時候聽傷心的歌
喜歡在開心的時候和在乎的人分享

常常口是心非，想拒絕卻開不了口
朋友挺多，但懂的不多

不喜歡主動聯繫別人，但不是不在乎
不喜歡欠別人，也不喜歡別人欠自己

處女很安靜，也很瘋癲。
我就是我，不是我沒心沒肺，我只是對很多事看得很開。

處女座，耐心、體貼，而且節儉。
會努力把複雜的事情完成，有時候會不想破壞友誼
所以麻煩事乾脆自己做，久了免不了就會擔太多的責任。
你的情緒相當敏感，也常會受傷

處女座喜歡折磨人
一會兒對你好，一會兒對你壞

處女座喜歡自欺欺人，一直說以後一切都會好
處女座很壞很壞，壞的願意用整個生命去愛你
處女座有點冷，不擅長對初識的人嶄露過多的笑顏，特別是異性。
一定要對方先流露出對他有好感，他才散發她的熱情。

處女座沒有平淡的愛，若不是全部，就是沒有

處女座的熱情可以把你融化
處女座的冷漠可以讓你對自己產生懷疑
處女座的霸道往往叫你無可奈何
處女座的聰慧讓你連連歎息
處女座的冒失讓你斜線三條
處女座的固執讓你火冒三丈
處女座的幽默讓你覺得人生很快樂
處女座故裝的堅強會讓你產生想疼惜的念

我是最特別、最個性、距神最近的星座

CAPRICORN:
假如有一天你想哭，打電話給摩羯
不能保證逗你笑，但能陪著你一起哭

假如有一天你想逃跑，打電話給摩羯
不能說服你留下，但會陪著你一起跑

假如有一天你不想聽任何人說話，打電話給摩羯
保證在你身邊，並且保持沉默

假如有一天摩羯沒有接電話，請快來見摩羯
因為摩羯可能需要你。

摩羯座通常感性重過理性，比較偏執，比較極端
要嘛不愛，要嘛愛到骨子裡

摩羯座有時通情達理，有時歇斯底里，冷靜下來又很心軟
摩羯座一旦動了感情，拿的起，放不下

摩羯座外表冷，內心其實很熱，很溫暖
真的成了知心或戀人，這輩子，很忠誠。

摩羯並沒有現實中強悍開朗，請不要相信他的那句我很好。

CANCER:
巨蟹座的孩子，有點笨，有點瘋，有點傻，有時神經很大條。
對朋友很珍惜，真心對待。
面對愛情，怕受傷，愛逃避。
有時會很絕情，卻還是心軟。
很懶，怕孤獨。愛安靜，愛寫東西。

巨蟹是個矛盾體很嚴重的人
喜歡不斷在腦海裡想太多，最壞的毛病就是念舊
回憶相對於他們來說就是精神支柱。

偏執悲觀，追求完美，有輕微強迫症和潔癖，輕微自閉。
討厭耍心機。
難過了心痛了就用沉默代替一切。
巨蟹知道，巨蟹不可以去強求任何人。

蟹蟹生氣時不想說話、開心了會傻笑、受委屈會放在心裡、在乎了就想被你知道。

MSN上不愛主動找人聊天
善忘，不論重不重要的事都容易忘記。
偏執悲觀追求完美
受不了，就別走進我的世界，我是巨蟹座。

玩的時候可以很瘋，但認真的時候就不要把我當玩笑。
我的底線可以為一個人放得很低，但不要以為我是沒底線的人。

我喜歡也好，厭惡也罷，我的感覺我最清楚。
從來沒人可以強迫我做我不願意做的事，所以也不必懷疑我是否在說違背良心的話。
因為我是巨蟹，狂妄中永遠有著一份執著。

2012-02-05T00:16:00.001+08:00

Hehe I'm back from Timmy's place!

Prepared myself after work and headed over to Timmy's place. His face was damn black cause we were having a war at that time. And no matter how I apologize or talk to him, he's still sad/angry. So damn guilty. So we spent almost the whole day like that hahahaha xiao qi gui sia!! Caught "We not naughty" weeeee touching movie, teared alittle. Things got back to normal after eating with him. Like a finally~

The rest of the time that I've spent with him was good. Feel so loved cause of his small little actions ^~^

Stop. Being. Insecure.

Xx.

2012-02-03T23:11:00.002+08:00

So sorry to my boy for being so sensitive and emotional. I can tell he's angry now.

I'll not wish to have a happy family. I just want my mum to be happy. I hope she finds a guy who treats her better. I hope she finds a boyfriend. Really hate my dad for doing such things but he's my dad and I can't... Why can't my family be a normal one.. So worried for my mum.

What a life. What a family.

XX.

2012-02-02T23:42:00.001+08:00

Feel so ridiculous for being this way. Sensitive fuck. Why I like that!?!?!? It's like I always feel that Timmy should find a girl who can ton, smoke with him or maybe live somewhere near him because I'm only making his life difficult. He sleeps in the morning, I wake up in the morning. Totally opposite. If his girl tons like him, then he'll be so much happier. He doesn't have to wake up while he's tired just to accompany me. He would be able to meet his girl easily. Have a bad feeling that our relationship would die this year so I'll appreciate all of the time/festivals with him like valentines day and so on. Idk. Just.. I'm such a sensitive bitch.

My boy has been really sweet. Was kinda irritated when we couldn't text but we're able to text already ^~^ k so excited to watch "I not naughty" but I shouldn't be excited la cause somehow I've a feeling that Timmy would disappoint me. Can't help to not be excited for the movie @_@

Damn tired after work. Keep rushing me to paste price tags. Bloody hellz. Gonna K.O soon goodnight!

Xx.

~+~+

2012-01-31T21:56:00.001+08:00

Worked OT today. Think I'm gonna die. So damn tired....... :(

Day 5. He's constantly on my mind even while I'm working when I probably never even once crossed his mind.. H8 myself.

He can live without me. Bye.

Xx.

Life updates.

2012-01-30T23:43:00.003+08:00

Hi I'm back.

January is such a tough month for me. Felt like a year. So.. Days ago, I really had enough of convincing myself with excuses and got tired of being the only one trying so I kinda initiated a break with timmy. I thought it wouldn't hurt cause he really disappointed me. Like not wanting to come up to my house to bai nian, even forgetting our monthsary. Plus we've not met for weeks at that point of time. Cold wars almost every week. I initiated it and I thought he'd hold onto me but he just let go. Without hesitation. Like waiting for me to initiate the break. Words can't describe how I feel but somehow, we made it through and got back tgt. A break up which lasts less than 30min? Maybe I was too impulsive. But still, I hope he'd really try and put in effort in this relationship. I hope my words do get to him and I'm not trying to be unreasonable. I just want him to understand.. "I don't know" is never an answer. It's an excuse to avoid. Either a "yes" or a "no". Either you want or you don't want. "I don't know", I treat it as a negative answer. Because it shows how much you don't bother already. So I hope he'd stop giving such answers anymore..

Anyway, I've started work at a warehouse! Tiring. But for the pay, I'll continue working. Met up with my dear boy during the weekends. Really happy to get to see him again. I wonder if he feels the same way though. Missing him now and what's worse? His phone bill isn't paid and I've not been messaging with him for 4 days. You know, it just doesn't feel right not receiving his messages. Or waking up to his messages. Sleeping with his messages. Messages that bring a smile to my face haha. Too bad it's so damn one sided again. Meeting him for movie during weekends again weeee have been wanting to watch that movie.

Hmm I got posted into my first choice, business studies :) kinda wished it was early childhood studies but I'm ineligible for it. Bishan ITE here I come ^~^

Xx.

Part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice.

2012-01-23T04:23:00.000+08:00

OK this GIF reminds me of Timmy 'Duh-ing' me -.-!!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

Hehe spent the eve at mama's place having steamboat.

Super nice and now I'm kinda hungry. The size of my tummy scares me......

Going Jurong to bai nian later! ^-^

XX.

Random; copied from tumblr.

2012-01-23T04:02:00.001+08:00

That moment when you touched your first touchscreen:

---

When the teacher sees me chewing gum:

Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

2012-01-22T03:13:00.007+08:00

Everything really feels different now.
I mean, look, this always has to happen in relationships.

Really wish for things to go back to normal. Although I'm messaging him but it just feels different.
I don't know. Need to meet him asap, if not I'm sure things would get worse.
I'll just lose confidence in it.

*Note to self:

Can't help but to miss him every single day despite telling myself not to. Miss his hugs.

Anyway that stupid panda is timmy's replacement hahaha.
When I'm angry at timmy, I'll throw it at one side and not hug it to sleep.
When I miss timmy, I'll hug it to sleep.
When I'm using computer (LIKE NOW), it's beside me, with me.

HAHAHAHAHA ok, crazy but true.................

HAHAHAHA

2012-01-21T01:27:00.001+08:00

The little things

2012-01-20T23:30:00.002+08:00

When someone does something nice just to make me smile, it really means a lot. It doesn’t matter if it’s just doing something small, it still means a lot to me. The act of going out of your way for me enlightens my soul. Actions speak louder than words.

-Tumblr.

Distance is never an issue as long as you've commitment.

2012-01-20T20:45:00.005+08:00

"You know it’s love when all you want to do is spend time with the other person, and you sort of know that the other person feels the same way."

— A Walk To Remember

Quotes like this makes me even more.. sad. Can someone teach me how to overcome this obstacle..

---

To make myself feel better..

XX.

Saying goodbye is the most painful way to solve problem.

2012-01-19T03:17:00.005+08:00

Hooked onto this song.

Can someone tell me what to do? ...

Should I just give up since this relationship is going nowhere? I really don't want to but he really isn't putting in any effort. Sigh. Dead end. As much as I love him, I still have to be sure he loves me too. If he loves me, he would want to see me everyday. He would miss me. He would put in effort. He would try to come over to spend some time and interact with my family. He would ask me to meet him. He would hold me really tight. He would be willing to change for me. He would think that I'm his world. He would be afraid to lose me. He would be waiting for my message excitedly. He would reply my messages quickly instead of every 30-40min. He would.. Prove to me actions, not words..

:(

I said I would hold on and not give up if he tries. The thing is..

He doesn't.
Does he know what course I've chosen? Does he know that I'm working soon? Does he know what movie I want to watch? I wish he's someone I could rely on when I need support, or a shoulder, or a listening ear. I wish he could be my best friend, my boyfriend. But after one year, I still don't know about him. It's like I'm still in a 1 month relationship with him. I hate how unstable our relationship is. I wish he would try. I really wish. I don't want to talk about it with him cause he'll find me unreasonable............ Am I? All girlfriends would expect this from their boyfriends.

If he wants me to change any attitude of mine, I'm willing to. Immediately. But he doesn't. I don't know why he needs time. Is it too hard for him to spend time with me? Guess what?

It is, for him.

Feel so worthless. I can do nothing to save this relationship. No matter how hard I try, it doesn't work...
Help me, please. Everything's gone.

G o n e.

Pains me so much typing this kind of post every time. Type one time cry one time lol.
PERIOD COMING MORE EMOTIONAL LA I'M SAD OK FUCKING SAD.

XX.

Blingz.

2012-01-18T04:43:00.018+08:00

Went to Bugis to shop with Annabelle and Yokpin. WEEEEEE super happy with my buys but I've really been spending alot so I've decided to get a job for sure after CNY. Staying at home is boring too. Using computer 24/7 like a loner without a life hahaha.

So my friend was msging me and he asked about my bf. He asked me why I didn't go out with my bf, isit on bad terms. UM actually that's a good question. So I just replied him that my bf doesn't like to meet me. Anyway I find him weird. Keep msging me, wanting to talk on phone, ask about my bf, ask if anyone's woo-ing me, to meet him on Saturday. LOL. Can't stand. I'm bad at rejecting people especially f2f/on the phone so I'll just msg him and tell him my bf doesn't allow hahahahahhaha ok............

And I seriously lost count about when's the last day I met my bf. Maybe a week, or two? K used to it because it has been this way for a year plus. Tired and give up on talking about this matter with him which ends up with a war most of the time. Things just remain the same. Online dating kind hahaha so I'm not feeling a thing, like not really missing him or such. Idk if it's logical to feel this way. But ya, just used to it. Maybe when I've found a job, I'll feel more occupied and less bored. Hope to meet my bf soon though. I really don't know why we're in this situation when both of us are not schooling/working which means we've all the time in the world but we don't meet at all. (When my school starts, I'm afraid this relationship would go downhill because we'd probably meet once or twice a month.) People have to stop asking me why too. I really don't know and it's like rubbing salt onto my wound. Tal vez son sólo de dos mundos diferentes y no deben comenzar en el primer lugar. Realmente espero que no.

Don't be mistaken, I still love my bf alot. Ah gonna stop here. Stop with my negative thoughts as well.

Pretty much sums up my boring life. Sleeping now, hugging the panda to sleep.

[Edited @ 9.30pm]
I always stop myself whenever I want to ask my boy out because it's alright and fine with him not meeting me at all so I must be alright with it too. I mustn't ask him out or bother him. Just feeling.. Lonely. I even meet Belle more than him although she's busy with Jc everyday. Can clearly see the effort taken by different people. Just texting with him every single day. Even texting also mostly reply once every thirty min. Idk if it's supposed to be like this in a relationship. I even forgot how his voice sound like anymore lol. Don't even make a call. Wish he would change that flaw of his. Impossible though. If he'd change that, he would have changed 1 year ago. And I dont wanna force him to meet me since he doesn't like it. Maybe I'm too ugly and annoying and boring. I should know when to stop..... Don't force him. He'll be happier. Sometimes life just has to be like this. I a m s a d.

明知道他的心里没有我, 为什么我还一直骗我自己, 一直继续缠着他.....

I know I won't be able to bear to leave him. I'm so selfish..
XX.

Everyone always says you only fall in love once, but that's not true because every time I see you, I fall in love all over again.

2012-01-15T06:21:00.002+08:00

I'm in love.

Hi, I was playing Audition with my dear boy.

I really wasn't expecting him to accompany me since he's playing Dota at lan with his friends but he did!! HEHEHE. Ok actually I think it's because his friend don't know how to play Dota thats why he came to Audition to accompany me but it's okay hahahahaha. Has been such a long time since I played with him. Brings back memories like how he always win me whenever we play cc4, how he suddenly goes for a smoking break, how I always smile whenever I'm playing with him in the past, how we chat with caps super enthusiastically idk why.

To summarize it up, everything is still the same. Just like one year ago.

Reminds me of our love.

Why does he always makes me fall in love with him over and over again!?

Can you tell I'm back to honeymoon stage. *Sigh*

After quarrels = Back to my honeymoon stage, back to living in my own world.

With flowers all over HAHAHAHAHA.

Like fa hua chi. Mad.

So sorry I can't help it :(

---

ANYWAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNABELLE!!!! *blows kisses*

If you're lucky enough to find someone who makes you feel special, don't ever take them for granted. Stick with them, fight for them, and never let them go.

2012-01-14T03:10:00.002+08:00

I've never gone through so much in a relationship before. Sometimes I really don't know how am I supposed to handle a relationship that's why I tend to ask myself if I should give up or not. But I came to realise that I'll never be able to bring myself to give up on my boyfriend. I don't know what has he done to me, I think he cast a magic spell on me or something hahaha. I mean, no matter how or what, I'll never ever want to give up on him. That would be the last thing on my list. And you never give up on the person you love. He may have made me angry or sad at times but relationships are just like that, isn't it? He can be so irritating yet cute. You know, the irresistibly cute type. He can be so sweet. He can be mean. He can be heartless. He can be understanding. He can be stubborn. He's such an ass too. Hahahaha well, that's the guy that I love.

Just when I thought me and my boy were drifting, he sent me a reassuring text.
I love how he talks about spending our lives together in future.
May be kind of stupid because teenage love doesn't really lasts but I believe in ours.

Helplessly, hopelessly, in love.

AND ONE MORE DAY TO MY DEAREST BEST FRIEND, BELLE'S B'DAY!!!!

xx.

Random post.

2012-01-14T02:23:00.004+08:00

Was using my lappy's webcam for the first time when both Annabelle and Jiacai came over. Then I wanted to capture a picture of how Belle's lying down on my bed like her house and END UP I CLICKED "CAPTURE VIDEO" or something HAHAHAHA which explains my 'eh' at the end of the video. After my 'eh' I quickly clicked "Capture picture" and guess what!....

IDK WHY IT WAS COUNTING DOWN "3, 2, 1" BLOODY SETTINGS. So...... Annabelle already noticed..... Which explains....

SHE. COVERED. HERSELF. I FAILED T_T

Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don't care anymore, but because they don't.

2012-01-13T02:39:00.005+08:00

So, I got back my O's results and I used up my luck. Expected that I would fail O's although I actually kinda have that little piece of hope to pass. Oh well, I only have myself to blame. You reap what you sow ha ha. I've submitted the 12 courses and I hope I'd be able to get into my first or second choice. Though Poly is far from me now, I'll not give up and work harder towards Poly. I've to apologise to all my loved ones for disappointing them, especially my parents. I always feel this stinging pain whenever my mum tells me about how people around her are shocked that I can't get into poly. I'm currently blogging using the laptop that my dad gave me, which is for me to use when I'm in poly. He thought that I would need to use it this year for my studies. Really, I feel so guilty. To my tuition teacher too. I've a private tuition teacher, just to teach me maths. Know what, I failed maths, again. I thought I would pass it at least. Sigh, not only have I wasted my tutor's efforts, I've wasted my dad's and mum's money.. I don't know how to reply my tutor when he asked how was my results. I chose not to reply. I'm sorry for being selfish.

I really have no idea how to tell people about my results when they ask me during Chinese New Year. I really really don't want to celebrate it. It's not my 'face' that I care, it's my parents. I've 'thrown' their faces. I remember how mum always tells me to study hard for the sake of her. AH fuck my fucking life. I hope people would stop rubbing my results in my face. I have to pretend to laugh it off and they would think I'm really happy with it so they continue rubbing. Whenever someone does that, I can't control my tears. I need to find somewhere to hide, to wipe my tears off, to continue act like I'm fine with how things are. I'm not. I'm sorry that I can't control my emotions now, it's midnight and I automatically have negative thoughts.

~+POSITIVE+~

ITE is not a bad choice. I'll start from scratch and gain experience through it. I've learned things the hard way so I hope I'll treat this as a lesson for me (Don't think I would though).

"What will mess you up most in life is the picture inside your head of how it's supposed to be."

Had a cold war with bf which lasted for 2 days because I expected and got disappointed thus, things happened. I don't know what to comment about it. To be honest, it made me think alot. Like how long would me and my boyfriend last. Like why do I make the effort when he doesn't seem to care. Like why do we make such a big fuss over such a small matter. Like why does he want to continue being that way when I've put in the effort. Like should I put a stop to everything since the both of us are suffering. Like maybe, just maybe.. Our love wasn't strong enough. I feel so vexed. I can't deny the both of us have drifted. I don't know if it's just me. He's like really far away from me. I don't seem to know him anymore.. It scares me. I know if I asked him, "Do you still love me because it feels like you don't love me anymore," he'd reply me things like, "Since you feel that I don't love you then so be it." I really wish he wouldn't to this. I wish he'd just tell me, "I do. I still love you" instead. I know he's bad at words, I know. Just that I've feelings, I get sensitive and paranoid easily.. I can't possibly not feel hurt at all right.. I dug a hole and jumped into it yesterday because I went to listen to the song he posted on the couple group. Oh, I received a text from him which ends with a 'love you'. Just at the right time. Really need him to tell me that at this point of time. I'm such a irritating girlfriend, always needing such assurance from him. Whatever it is, as long he's trying, I'm staying. He needs to remember that it's not only him in this relationship..

Sorry for this post. I let my emotions got the better of me. January is a bad month for me too and it's just the start of 2012. Sigh. Ah, I'll do a happier post soon. I sound super attention seeking in this. Luckily no one reads my blog.

Please let the rest of 2012 be good.
XX.

Handwritten love letters will never go out of style.

2012-01-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

The last chapter.

2012-01-11T23:24:00.002+08:00

Memories. I miss this.

How I feel right now.
Kinda reaching the last page of our love story though..

2012-01-11T00:36:00.001+08:00

2012-01-04T22:51:00.002+08:00

Met bf today and I'm h a p p y hehehe.

It's like.. I can feel the change. This time he's the one asking me to meet him. He was trying his best to stay awake and when we decided to rest for awhile, I woke up but I can't seem to wake him up. I nearly gave up and guess what, he really did wake up and even apologised to me for sleeping so much. I know he's really tired, I can tell. Ah ~_~ my honeymoon stage damn long hahahaha. Love how he changes for me. Gives me so much hope in our relationship.

I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP CAUSE WHEN IM AWAKE LATER, IT WOULD BE 3 MORE DAYS TILL THE RELEASE OF MY O'S RESULT T_T gonna emo in one corner after the 9th. No hope no expectation.

Xx.

2012-01-04T10:28:00.002+08:00

I love long hugs.

2012-01-03T06:12:00.003+08:00

Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status.

2012-01-02T10:59:00.000+08:00

---

I can't help it. I know I'm thinking too much.
I need to leave everything to the past..

xx

Goodbye 2011. Hello 2012.

2012-01-01T12:37:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Had steamboat with my boy, Annabelle and Jia cai yesterday at Bugis!

Wah the fish there best, super niceeeeeeeeeeee. Kind of forced bf to eat it too hahahaha awww. He ate it even though he doesn't like it. Too full and didn't get to eat ice cream!!! *Sigh :(

Took a picture after eating hehehehe.

Went to bf house for awhile cause he wanted to change his clothes and the both of us smell like food, all the steamboat smell hahahaha. Bus to Vivo to countdown after that. Forgot to take a picture though! *Double sigh. Missed the 1159-0001 kiss too. *Triple sigh. CAN'T SEE FIREWORKS TOO T_T But oh well, at least I'm with my bf ^_^

. . .

Typed out quite a lot of words and I backspaced all of them because I feel that it's kind of stupid halfway and I can't put the things I want to say and feel into words. I wish 2012 would be a great year and.. 8 more days to the day of getting my O's result. SIGHSIGHSIGH.

xx.

-

2012-01-01T12:05:00.004+08:00

Has this happened to you?

2012-01-01T08:56:00.005+08:00

You meet someone unexpectedly, and having no clue how much they’d mean to you in the future. How the path of two strangers crossed, and how it has changed and affected your life so much. And how an accidental clash of worlds, was the most beautiful thing that could possibly ever happened to you? Well, it has happened to me.

How to Keep a Relationship:

2011-12-31T06:30:00.005+08:00

Communicate: Talk about things, the good and bad.
Build trusts
Be honest
Be faithful
Be there for one another.
Make time for one another.
Leave the past to the past, which include ex’s.
Know that having arguments are normal.
Know that you won’t always be happy.
Don’t expect change.
Appreciate the flaws.
Appreciate each other.
Become best friends.
Lastly, love each other unconditionally.

-Tumblr.

I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to the warmth of your body next to mine.

2011-12-30T02:03:00.000+08:00

As I look at this picture, I begin to wonder...

How long would we last?

If we ever break up in future, would we end up hating each other?

How would life be without him?

....

I can't imagine. I guess I'm too used to have him with me.

This love. I hope he would be my last love.

But really, forever and ever? Does it even exist in the first place?

I dare not hope. I'll just cherish my time with him.

We all have our own definition of forever.

xx.

Laying here thinking how perfect life would be if you were lying nextto me.

2011-12-27T07:47:00.024+08:00

Hi I'm back to my blog cause my bf told me to post if not he has nothing to read hahaha.

This month was the worst period of time in the 12 months of relationship with him. But it's also the best at the end. We nearly left each other but we fought for our relationship and made things back to normal. After our war + talking things out, we're kinda like back to honeymoon stage. Hahahahaha no idea why. I think it's only me la!!! You know, like how my heart starts to beat damn fast when I see him and he holds my hand. I just love how things are between me and him now and I hope it would remain. This month made me realise how much I need him in my life and of course, love him.

Happy 1st anniversary baby! ♥♡
I can feel that you're changing for me and I really appreciate it. I'll change for you too. I love you. Xx.

Spent Christmas Eve with my dear boy. 二人世界 with him hahaha. It was also to celebrate for our 1st year!! It still feels like I just got together with him. Btw I think I should make it a habit to call my boy "baby" or something because idk what to call him when he's far and I'll end up hello-ing or oi-ing him HAHAHAHA.

Ok so Orchard was really crowded lor, have to squeeze like mad @_@ Bf and me bought a Christmas hat!!!! Hehehehe the last time I bought that was like in Primary school. Walked around and took pictures ^_^

I remember I said something to bb thats why he pose with this ultimate sad face of his hahahahaha.

Somehow we ended up going to his house to countdown and there's a mini Christmas tree there!! MRT was packed and the journey to his house felt like hours. Luckily I have him with me. It feels super secured and protected because he's always taking care of me.

Reached his house and I unwrapped my present that he got for me!!

A MINI PANDA!!!

Am hugging it now while I post hehe. My back was really pain and I keep complaining to bf. V sweet of him to massage for me each time I complain to him how pain it is. Counted down to Christmas and he gave me a kiss after saying "Merry Christmas baby" hahahaha his dad sent me home after that.

I feel like a mad girl now cause... Aiyo... It's like I'm hopelessly in love with my bf and each time I think of him, I'll feel like hugging him.... HAHAHA OK *stabs self* IM IN HONEYMOON STAGE NOW LA TOTALLY LIVING IN MY WORLD. HAVE TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS T_T

And this was on 23rd.

OMG FINALLY DONE WITH THIS POST. POST UNTIL I V ANGRY LOR!!!

BYE!

It is not that difficult to love.

2011-12-27T07:22:00.001+08:00

Love isn’t as complicated as we make it out to be. It’s the most simple, most elemental, most pure, most beautiful feeling, emotion, thingamajig, whatever you want to call it that beats in our hearts.

Unfortunately, it’s also the most intangible sentiment. We can’t quantify it. Your ‘I love you so much’ could be so much less than my ‘I love you so much’ and there’s no way to prove who loves who more and therein lies the whole fucking problem.

We’re never happy with how we’re loved. We complicate things. We make things difficult. We expect too much. We receive too little. We can’t accept that so we prod and push and ask for more and when we don’t get what we want, we question their love and affection because they don’t love us the way we love them. They don’t love us the way we were told they should. They don’t love us the way we want to be loved and we don’t believe anymore. We lose faith. We allow ourselves to be consumed by hatred, by anger, by desire, by greed, by anxiety, by insecurity and we give up even before we try.

It really isn’t all that difficult to love. We just have to love unconditionally, love selflessly, love altruistically, love acceptingly. We just have to love them the way we can, the way we know how and allow them to love us the way they can, the way they know how. We just have to love loving them and love them loving us.

-Tumblr.

Last post.

2011-12-06T00:28:00.001+08:00

Leaving my blog again.

Xx.

What else can I say besides saying...

2011-12-05T15:27:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry.

I didn't want all of these to happen either. I'm just too overwhelmed by those mixed feelings during those days. You don't know how much it was killing me at that point of time like it's killing you. Maybe I said things too harshly in my previous few posts.... Sorry..

I don't know what else to say. Seriously feeling so guilty after looking at your fb and twitter.

Love remains.

2011-12-04T03:56:00.001+08:00

After all of these mixed emotions, I still love him alot. Like, alot alot.

Xx.

-

2011-12-03T00:53:00.001+08:00

I always rant on my blog and regret posting after that.

Back to the same point, back to square one.

2011-12-02T17:05:00.001+08:00

Realising that if I didn't ask if you're free or anything, we would have met once in every few weeks during the holiday. You weren't with me for most of the time when I'm schooling. You weren't with me when you told me you would. You weren't with me when I needed someone beside me the most. Maybe it's just me, feeling like shit now that's why I'm saying such stuffs. Feeling lonely when I'm actually in a relationship ha ha ha. Seriously lol at myself for still feeling this way even after 11 months of rs with him. I wish I could disappear for awhile. I hate myself for feeling this way. I'm such a joke. Have to find things to occupy myself so I would stop overthinking.

On a side note, I think I should start looking for a job. I'm left with $5.

Xx.

Sucks to be me.

2011-12-01T22:41:00.001+08:00

How can people draw such pretty drawings. I can only draw stickman. And really, I put in alot of effort to draw one. Knowing I'm bad at drawing, I've to first draw many many times as drafts until I can get it the way I want and draw it in pencil on the cards or whatever. Then, I've to use a pen to draw over it. It may seems to be easy but I wish it was. For me.

Sucks at drawing, sucks at studying, sucks at making decisions, sucks at everything. If only I was cleverer or have artistic talents, more independent, prettier, taller, richer, slimmer and all. But I'm not. Ha ha ha.

:(

Self reminder: That will be my last long message.

2011-11-26T00:38:00.001+08:00

I seriously need to remind myself to stop sending long messages and doing cards. Or whatever. I've stopped for cards but haven't for long messages. I know he doesn't like to read and always complain about taking a long time to read it yet I still keep writing it lol.

Last time last time last time. No more no more no more.

24th.

2011-11-24T23:59:00.003+08:00

Super sorry to Belle and Jiacai. Also to boyfriend for losing my temper.

I must be mad. Happy 11th month baby, I love you.
Everything that I want to say to you is in the message.

XX.

♥♡

2011-11-23T11:54:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow's the day.

OoOoOo

2011-11-23T04:49:00.001+08:00

I wonder how I survived not meeting Timmy for weeks in the past 10 going 11 months cause now I'm missing him so badly. And we just met like few hours ago.

Morning.

2011-11-20T08:31:00.001+08:00

It's 8.28am now and I'm turning in. Body clock screwed. Need to adjust it back but I don't think I'll be able to do so. Mum's birthday today! ^_^ Haven't got her anything yet though. K goodnight and I miss my boy.

Thoughts.

2011-11-20T04:54:00.001+08:00

"Just apologize. It's a whole lot easier than arguing."

Guys apologize to avoid arguments. However, girls don't like it when guys don't know why and what they're apologizing for.

Contradicting. Girls are contradicting. And I'm one of them.

HA HA HA.

I wish I could.

2011-11-19T03:50:00.000+08:00

If I could, I would..

Without a doubt.

2011-11-16T02:51:00.000+08:00

Love conquers all.

2011-11-11T23:59:00.075+08:00

Before I start this post, I'm sorry my dear boy. Dint know my posts would kinda hurt you. Do know that despite all those things I've posted, I love you alot.

Timmy came over to meet me today. 11/11/11. I thought asking him to accompany me till 11:11pm was abit too over, so I did not ask him to accompany me till that time. Yet, he came down and accompanied me all the way. I know he's tired. I really felt the effort made. And then, I found out that no matter how much I feel like giving up at times, no matter how much I tell myself not to care, I'd still go back to him. I mean, I should have known I wouldn't bear to. I really want to apologise a million times, for doubting his love for me. I shouldn't have. He never gives up on me. Sometimes I really feel bad because I can't accompany him whenever he ton. Maybe he feels alone too, maybe he wants me to be there too. It is the same for me. Yet, the difference is that, he never once complained. He'd rather not sleep and meet me despite being tired. I can't possibly make him give up on his nightlife for me right. It is a habit. He needs to be with his friends too. I should have understand. For many times, I've wondered. Would life be better for him if he wasn't with me? Would he be happier? I can't accompany him at night, so he has to accompany me in the day. He has been doing this willingly. Maybe I really did take all of these for granted.

Even playing a board game with him can be this fun. Even walking aimlessly at popular with him can be this fun. Even doing lame things like, walking the "red carpet" with him holding onto me or him holding my hand trying to make me spin a round, can be this fun. Even.. I guess as long as I'm with him, things will be fun. Wouldn't want to imagine life without him.

I really want to stay in love with him for a lifetime.
So.. This is love.

XX.

My love.

2011-11-08T05:20:00.001+08:00

Always feeling this way after meeting my dear boy. I've no idea on how to describe this feeling. It's only him who can make me feel this way. I'm missing him so much right now although we've just met each other. I wonder if he feels the same too. I also love the way he talks about our future, together. I really wish he'd be the one I'm marrying to in future. It's the first time I'm feeling this way. :)

Us, our. Love, forever.
Lost and insecure, you found me.
XX

-

2011-11-03T02:57:00.001+08:00

Hate to say this but you seem to be happier without me. I don't make a difference in your life anyway. Maybe it was a mistake we've made. Although I really hope it wasn't.

One day..

Xx.

Agony. Misery.

2011-11-02T23:31:00.001+08:00

You're not with me when I need someone to be by my side. Life just sucks so badly right now..

Wish you were here.

Xx.

For I shall hope.

2011-11-02T05:17:00.001+08:00

Really hope things to be alright. Friday will be the day. Hate how my best friend is feeling so sad right now; for days and yet I can't do anything for her. So helpless.

Please. Xx.
Reality hits me suddenly.

Now?

2011-11-01T04:15:00.001+08:00

Hate my life so much that I wish I could just drop dead now.

Gonna sleep and if only I could sleep forever, I would. This is tiring.

Goodnight x.

Life, With or without you.

2011-10-31T15:43:00.001+08:00

Need to shake this feeling off me. Why do I even feel lonely.

Realized that I'm repeating the things in my posts. Always the same old thing.

U s e d to i t.

2011-10-31T15:41:00.001+08:00

Nearing the end of my O's and where are you? Nowhere to be seen. Accompany? Ok. I think you mean accompanying me through messaging. Can only envy people with their boyfriends and how sweet they are as if I don't have one. Nah nvm. You will never understand how it feels. That sucky feeling when people ask me, 'Where's your boyfriend? Why he never accompany you?' 'Huh!? Why meet so less?' And people telling me, 'I think he don't love you lor....' All I can do is to agree with them because what they say are true..

Idk how much longer I can take it.
Talk is cheap.
Bye xx.

Fuck this shit.

2011-10-28T00:44:00.001+08:00

Empty words. Sick of repeating my rantings again and again.

By tomorrow, English and maths paper down and I'm left with 4 more papers. May I be able to enter into a poly.

XX

Girls will always be girls.

Oh really?

2011-10-27T02:03:00.001+08:00

From the way we're messaging, I got no idea how to continue.

MATHS PAPER LATER. PLS BE MANAGEABLE. XX.

Dont let her go to sleep upset.

2011-10-27T01:58:00.001+08:00

"Because, she’ll only toss and turn in frustration, until sadness pulls her into sleep, and tears stain her pillow. You’ll be her first thought when she wakes up, and more than anything, she’ll wish she could go back to sleep, back to the silence, to the empty blackness. Don’t do this to her, she’s worth so much more, if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t care."

I am crazy.

2011-10-26T01:32:00.001+08:00

I need to stop missing you. I need to stop being the clingy one.

Nom nom nom.

2011-10-25T19:11:00.001+08:00

Are we a couple or not? So many things I wanna say but. Nah nvm.. I'll leave everything till after my O's. For the time being, I should stop sending long texts because I get nothing in return ha ha ha. Touched for a second, for the next second I'm not. Because how many times can I believe what you've said. How many times do I want to expect and get disappointed again. Might as well not tell me anything so I wouldn't expect. Meet meet meet. Different timings.

Having O's for this and next few weeks. I've to buck up please. Brushing up my maths now. Don't fail.. Can't afford. Bye xx

Dont get tired of me.

2011-10-25T04:34:00.001+08:00

"I don’t want you to wake up one day and not want me there for you anymore. I’m scared that in the end, I’m not what you want and BOOM strangers again. Yah know? Relationships are terrifying, but if they work out, it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world. I’m here for you and I always will be, I’m just afraid I won’t be what you want."

Had alot of moments that didn't last forever.

2011-10-25T02:56:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I stop and wonder. I don't know what I am doing with my life. I know I'll regret all of my actions in future but I'm still not stopping. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I'm sorry, I'm always disappointing people around me. Contradicting picture of myself smiling haha.

Happier note: It's me and baby's 10th month hurhurhur ♥♡ Feeling really bad because I can't celebrate with him. ~_~ Please stay understanding.

Never give up on our relationship, my dear.

2011-10-23T03:36:00.001+08:00

I feel so touched at the smallest, littlest things. I retweeted this quote in twitter, "You can't have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight." And Timmy wrote this "Worth fighting for." to me. He told me not to read it yet when I wanted to look at what he wrote. He then said, 'See whether you know what it means anot' I thought what the hell he wrote to me and ended up, it was this. The moment I flipped the paper and looked at it, I can literally feel the tears in my eyes. That's all I really need at this time. And that's your assurance. So touched, so happy, so blissful. Overwhelmed by all of my emotions now. I'm glad I'm someone who's worth fighting for, really..

He may not be someone perfect. He may disappoint me from time to time. He may make me have second thoughts about our relationship. He may not do any cards or send me long meaningful texts. But he's the best in my eyes, and he'll always be.

I love you babyboy XX

Used to talk about our future, never thought that one day I would be losing you.

2011-10-21T04:27:00.001+08:00

Sour feeling in me. Can someone explain to me why am I feeling this way. The amount of questions I ask myself everyday really scares me. I'm afraid. What if the answers to my questions are not what I've expected?

What.. If.

Just friends, no love.

2011-10-18T21:07:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry for being such a boring person that I'm not even worth your time. I dint ask you to place me first among your friends but seriously, you treat me worse than how you're treating your friends. You can't even find time for me. You don't even bother to meet me. You don't even miss me. You're never with me when I need you the most. It's always others. Always. And your attitude. It's as if you don't give a fuck. Telling me to msg you when I'm not angry? Not even a sorry? Don't you know how much I've been looking forward to meet you? People telling me that you don't even love me. Those words hurt but I'm realizing that it's true. You wouldn't do this if you really love me. Why... For this 9months, were you just treating me as a toy? Words and words. Empty words. Empty promises. I'm tired.

An argument is no reason to give up in a relationship. It is a reason to work harder. If you really love them, you will really try.

2011-10-16T02:30:00.001+08:00

Graduation day, 14thOct.

2011-10-15T02:26:00.001+08:00

Memories that are going to stay in my heart forever.
With love.

But if one or both of you are not happy, you have to put in the effort to fix things — or walk away.

2011-10-14T03:15:00.001+08:00

I hope no matter what obstacle me and Timmy may face in future along the way, it'll only strengthen our love for one another and not destroy our relationship.

I love you so much XX

There are some things you need to hear in order to feel better about a situation, like "Im sorry" & "I miss you"

2011-10-13T02:10:00.001+08:00

Cooled down. Kinda rant too much in my previous post. Ohwell..

Love and relationship.

2011-10-12T23:06:00.001+08:00

As days go by, our relationship gets more and more worse. To the extent that I really don't know how to save our relationship anymore. The things you do and say can be v hurtful and disappointing, you know? I dint expect it from you. I kept asking myself 'why?'. Why and where did things go wrong? How did it actually happen? I feel you drifting further and further away from me yet I can't do anything.

I tried changing and controlling my temper. I don't want to be unreasonable in your eyes but I guess I failed badly. I don't want to quarrel with you too. I hate it. It really breaks my heart and you've got no idea how it affects me. Why can't we meet at least once a week? Why do I always feel that you're taking me for granted? You're the last person on my list to do such things to me but you proved me wrong. It hurts so bad. So I'm that not worth your time. Not worth remembering my birthday at all. Not worth the time to meet at all. Not worth the time to msg at all. Not worth the time to put in effort at all. And guess what? I've been wanting to meet you at least once a week but you seem to be busy. I've been trying to reply your msg ASAP because I feel that we're left with msging when we don't meet much but you take your time to do so. I remembered your birthday and I really thought you remembered mine cause it's something special other than the date we got together but you told me that dates weren't important and I'm being unreasonable. This shit hurts. I dare say I've put in effort in our relationship. You've never once left my mind even when you're asleep. Yet all, ALL of these seem to be one sided. Only me. Is feeling this way being unreasonable? I tried not to care. I tried giving up but I can't....

Do I miss you? Honestly I do. But the number of times this thing happen makes me get used to it. I'm really used to it. How does it feel to miss you? I can no longer feel it anymore..

If you've the heart to meet me or anything, you would.. Right..? It's like if you miss someone, you'll want to meet someone so badly. But you...? Sigh :( it's ok, I'm ok.. For I've been disappointed, again and again. Killing me slowly..

F a t e.

2011-10-11T19:23:00.001+08:00

An Ancient Chinese proverb says, “An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, despite the time, the place, and despite the circumstances. The thread can be tightened or tangle, but will never be broken.”

Can you hug me for life?

2011-10-11T03:23:00.001+08:00

I need to remind myself constantly. Please. I really need to stop. Fighting the urge.

Do you?

2011-10-09T19:33:00.001+08:00

D o u b t s.

2011-10-08T22:07:00.001+08:00

I don't understand and I never will.

Before you quit school, we seem to meet more. Every Fridays at least. You told me that after you quit school, you'll have MORE time for me. I believed you. But I was proven wrong. You told me you'll have MORE time for me after you quit your job. I believed you once again. But still, you let me down. Next, you said that you'll accompany when I'm out studying. But have you? I kept it in. I really do mind. Why am I the one who seems to be missing you? Why do I always feel so one sided? Why do I always have to doubt your feelings for me? Are you that busy to make time for me?

I really don't know..
I wished I didn't care this much.

Love your mum, love our mum.

2011-10-08T01:09:00.001+08:00

Love your parents.
We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.

Manage me, I am in a mess.

2011-10-06T21:55:00.001+08:00

Is this how it's supposed to feel?
Forever? No longer feel that it exists. I've learnt to lower my expectations, after that time.

People grow apart. Deal with it.

2011-10-06T00:55:00.001+08:00

Be optimistic but remain realistic.

2011-10-03T22:55:00.001+08:00

I get it, I'm not that important to you.

All said and done. I really question myself so many times. Why do I have to do this..? Kinda tired, really..

I hate this feeling right now. Fuck it :(